I Should Be Writing This From Jail

... oy vey, but an interesting weekend. So Saturday night was the setup. Sunday night after work, I drove down to Va Beach and met up with two of my friends from high school because everyone is off on winter break. Having just finished our exams (which I bent over, and didn't call the next day) we were ready for some stress relief. We had a couple of drinks at the bar, but I took it easy because I had to drive everyone. Well we drop Jesus off, and then Johnny-Boy and I head to Wendys for food, and then 7-11 for ice. We had decided to continue our evening at the warehouse, with a bottle of bourbon I had in my trunk. All right, that is somewhat of a lie. Johnny-boys 'rents were giving him hell back home so he didn't want to go home. I needed to get to sleep, but I obliged. We ran into an old friend (and Jesus' ex) who is now working at said 7-11. Neither of us were surpised, I might add. We hung out, I took him home around 3:30, and got back up at 8 for work.

Yesterday I worked from 8 am to midnight with a short break to eat. We are trying to introduce some new products to the DoD, and they have to be submitted and approved. Some guy was breaking our balls about a price increase we had submitted along with the new products, so I spent the better part of the day finding comparable products, breaking down their prices into unit cost, and comparing to ours. Guy wanted at least a 100 products compared. So I said fuck you, merry christmas, I hope you get stuck verifying this on christmas eve, and I did our entire product line. I finished at midnight, but it turned out very well. It also needed to be done a long time ago for sales purposes.

Jesus and Johnny are basically waiting on me to finish so we can go out because they can't drive. We get to our usual watering hole, and each order a pitcher. Johnny ordered me a second pitcher, which was probably the worst idea we've ever had collectively, seeing as how I was the driver. I finished said pitchers in the hour between us getting there and last call. I didn't feel too bad off, so I dropped Jesus and Johnny off, and felt like I was able to drive back to the warehouse to finally get some sleep. I pulled out of Johnny's neighborhood and realized there was no way in hell I could possibly make this drive. It hit me fast, and I should have seen it coming. I drove across the street because I had to piss like to other, and needed to figure out what exactly I was going to do with myself in this condition. I got out, pissed, got back in, and somewhere in there I lost my glasses. I am blind. 20/400 blind. Now I am fucked.

Apparently, a cop saw me take the restroom break in the bushes, and drove over to investigate. I drove past him further into the parking lot (which is probably why I am writing this) and thankfully not into the street. He pulled me over for suspicion of public urination, and also because I was driving erratically at 10 miles / hour because I couldn't see a damned thing. I couldn't even figure out where I was in the parking lot relative to the road because I am so blind. You are probably thinking, OMG you could have killed somebody, but I only made it about 20 feet before he pulled me and I was already about to stop and just say f it, here is where I stay.

A DUI typically will cost you anywhere between 7 and 10,000$ before its all said and done with, according to last years statistics. I thought I was about to be $10K poorer in 15 minutes. The officer asked me if I had been drinking, and being brutally honest when intoxicated, I told him that yes, I had had entirely too much to be driving in fact. He ran my plates and license, and I think because my record is perfect, he offered to let me call someone to come pick me up. Unfortunately, I would have already done this if my phone weren't dead. He offered to make a call for me, but of course, I can't remember anyones phone number. Next he asked me if I had a place to stay nearby, and I said yes. Johnny only lived across the street in the next neighborhood. Mind you, I am trying to give this officer directions when I can't see anything outside, so he thinks I am also retarded. I get there, and his parents wake up in the process. They spoke to the officer, and I ended up not getting even a warning or citation. I went to sleep probably the most embarassed I have ever been in my life, though. Having to have your best friends dad talk to a cop for you at 21 is degrading, just a little. I am very fortunate, though, and will not be partaking in such adventures in the near future. Lesson learned. And I had to be back at work in the morning... And I worked today until 9 PM, though at a much more leisurely pace. .... So my boss for this company lives 2 doors down from Johnny, he actually introduced us. I was at his house setting up his wifes new iPhone and G3 (thats his new name, btw) comes in "I've got a story for you Elffie (his wifes new name, btw)!" "I just talked to Johhny's mom, and she told me a crazy story about why our IT guy was late this morning!".... wonderfuckingful.

But I owe that officer a great deal, and am thankful a million times over. I must have a guardian angel or something. No one gets out of a DUI in Virginia Beach.

Except this guy. Im driving home to Richmond for what will hopefully be the last time for business. I move in next Monday. O and G, the girl from the weekend, has been texting/calling me yesterday and today. We have a date on Tuesday. Yahtzee. Except I cleared my text log last night apparently and have no record of what I actually said to her, so thats always a little nerveracking. I just know we have a date on Tuesday, lol.