My Car + Ditch

Friday night, I called my little brother to see where he was because he had my car. From the tone of his voice, I knew I wasn't going to enjoy his answer. In a stroke of genius, and on the advice of his roommate, he decided to attempt to rectify the fact that he was blocked in by driving around the house and using the sideyard as a driveway. BTW, its been raining torrential downpours for two days at this point.

<3 Koon #KG 103

Someday a lucky man will capture this girl. Until then, I will be able to enjoy our late night rants on the status of the porn industry and the affect (effect? god dammit!) of the recent economic collapse on it.

There are very few people in this world whom I respect, and like. There are even fewer that are female. (Not that I don't like girls as a general rule, but at this point, I understand why guys do stupid things much more clearly than why girls do stupid things. And I am sure this goes both ways.) But I digress.

Opened another bottle of Raison D'Etre tonight. Much more enjoyable a year later.

Went to a unique little bar the other night and introduced my friends to Maredsous 8. It was fairly well received, making it well worth the $14 it added onto my tab. When everyone ordered a shot, I decided to be different and ordered an Old Chub. Delicious to drink. Not so delicious when chugged from a pint glass. Who needs carbombs when you just chug Old Chub? No one. I insulted some guys girlfriend shortly thereafter in an ill-timed joke. If 1 + 1 = 2, then Chugging Beer + Old Chub = Trouble. He was roughly three times my size and ignorant enough to try to fight me. I am not used to that by the way. Back in Richmond, I knew every bartender that served me, and no matter what happened, I never felt threatened. This was not exactly my crowd (a gay/lesbian bar in a hole in Ghent) so I wasn't exactly sure quite how this would end up as he was telling me something aken to "Let's take this outside." I mean, I would have taken it outside, and probably at that point either let him hit me and then cut his throat, or pulled the knife out first hoping that he would be satisfied in calling me a pussy for having a weapon. Either way, I wasn't going to die. And if I was, so was he. Don't fuck with a short guy. He has been dealing all his life with people bigger than him, and at this point, he pretty much has a plan.

But.... I was able to calm him down, and the girls all getting upset around him brought him back to "maybe he was just making a drunkenly conceived joke and not trying to "insult the love of his life" (his words, not mine). Oh, and I was with two of my Brothers, and they were ready to take on whatever I created. I think I've apologized at least 3 times to Jaime for possibly endangering his life. But let's be honest, deep down, all three of us in some sick depth of our man hearts, strongly hoped that this hulking angry man threatening me would take it further, and that we would have a wonderful story to tell in the morning, if not some wounds to tend to. But it was deep down because we are all responsible people, and that would be such a headache of legalities (in reality, you can't just break a bottle over someones head and say, "everybody was doing it" that is called assault with a deadly weapon, and is usually a felony. then you can't vote, among other things. So all in all, I am glad our inner warriors were kept at bay) and we probably would have missed our poker tournament on Sunday night with all the police reports and what not.


Sunday night, I made the final table in said poker tournament, and we chilled in the hot tub (same trio) until about 4:30 in the morning, just bullshitting. No Homo.

Monday: I woke up hella late and forgot about an appointment I had made to setup a network in-home. The iPhone 3G replacement screen/digitizer had arrived so I also had to repair the boss mans phone (he dropped it and shattered its screen a mere two hours after it was taken out of the box). The repair went fine with a few hiccups but I got it all back together (which I was glad about seeing I know... NOTHING... about repairing cell phones, let alone the most technologically advanced cell phone known to man. I go to turn it on.. FAIL. I cracked the actual LCD in the process of replacing the screen. I ordered a new one, but that is MUCH easier to replace and I should have the phone back in working order shortly after the LCD arrives. At the end of the day, though, I can basically recreate the iPhone 3G in my head. So, if you have a broken one, send a comment and I'll repair the lil bugger for you! I won't charge but the cost of the parts, under the assumption that I am not an expert and make no guarantees but am reasonably confident in my abilities but until I fix yours and possibly your friends successfully, I will not feel right charging for the service.

I am sitting in front of a Double Gulp from 7-11. Did the movie 7 not hit home hard enough? S-I-N. 64 oz. foutain drink is a SIN. c'mon. just install a damned soda gun in your car.

FUPA

I think I am starting to grow a FUPA. This is not bueno. As soon as this week is over, I'm checking out our new $xxxx million gym. It has a rock wall for crying out loud. Besides, how are we gonna seduce young girls with promises of boat rides and Corona if I have a FUPA? We're not. Then who will drink all the Corona? Certainly not Jaime or I. Which brings me to my next point.

Jamie has a boat. We plan on taking it out frequently this summer. Did you know you can get a DUI driving a boat just as easy as if you were driving a car. I just picture this image of Jimmy Buffet sipping from a bottle of Grand Marnier cruising across the water pulling a waterskiing cheeseburger when I think of boating. ... see where stereotypes get you?

Tonight, I almost did something very very very silly. I really want the new iPhone 3.0 beta, because, lets face it, the iPhone is really an embarrassment to itself now that everyone knows such basic features as MMS are only months away when two years ago every free phone had it. iPhone Developers get it free along with the new STK. Its $99/year to become a member of the Dev Team. If the credit card number on my account hadn't expired, I would be sending you all txt pictures from my iPhone right now. Yes yes there are programs out there, but dammit it should be a native feature! I look back to that moment of weakness with a mix of sorrow and regret. Sorrow because I am such an impulse buyer, regret because my plans were thwarted and I am no longer in the mindset where I can justify spending $100 so I can send pix messages 3 months before you can.

I will be learning to repair iPhones shortly, however. Upon learning of the new 3.0 release, I recommended we not sell the last iPhone we got when we upgraded all of our lines and have my boss use it, since the 2G phones won't be able to MMS even with the upgrade. He agreed, I spent a large portion of my day today making the new phone his phone. I finally dropped it off at his house before they left for dinner. He called me from Ruth's Chris to say he dropped it and the screen spider-webbed. FML. I ordered a replacement screen off eBay and the toolkit for the iPhone. Wish me luck... *I have never attempted nor claimed I could fix any cell phone, let alone an iPhone*

The new Facebook is ridiculous. And I got a piece of flair today which kinda pissed me off. "I have a boyfriend he just doesn't know it yet." No, silly girl, you think you have a boyfriend even though he keeps explicity saying you do not. Crazy hoes. That pretty much sums up things with the girl btw.

Canada texted me today out of nowhere. She blew me off last weekend (or honestly forgot about dinner) and we hadn't talked since. I wasn't too upset, just worried because it was very strange and unlike her. But she is alive, and the topic of textversation was the Who is the Coon episode of South Park. Except I is the Coon, and everyone knows that :)

Perpetuities don't make any sense. Basically you are betting for you life, and the payer is betting against your life. Awesome. If we win, you die. If you win, you are too old to enjoy it.

The new HP G Series shares the same AC adapter as our old Dell Latitudes. Could it be that finally they are getting smart enough to a) realize that HP's proprietary AC adapter connector is a piece of shit and b) realize that something like an AC adapter for a laptop has NO REASON to be proprietary? Hopefully this is the case, and "Hey, can I borrow your AC Adapter, my laptop just died" will become commonplace.

Yesterday I took apart my wireless keyboard because when i flipped it upside down, damn near half a dorito fell out. Upon shaking vigorously for 20 minutes, I was unable to get the other half of the dorito out. Turns out that sound was just the keys themselves shaking. I now know the intracacies of the modern keyboard, though. Point, me?

I might surrrender my single status if she agrees to do my laundry and clean my room. Both need desperate attention, and I am ready to sit down at the negotiating table. Sorry, feminism, take two steps back. If that fails, I am going to start going to the laundry mat with a bottle of red wine and try to seduce skilled labor.

T minus 3 hours til my Finance test. Onwards!

My little Brother

So, he was living with his stripper friend in Richmond. I told him he should come to Va Beach with me, he told me to fuck off with the charisma that only an 18yr old stoner with nothing to look forward to than his next dimebag can muster. This may have stemmed from the fact that i intervened and ruined a nice score he had setup over the summer.

I had started dating one of the hosts at the restaurant we both worked at. I might add she was beautiful, and amazing. But alas... I digress. I'm pretty sure I mentioned her in an earlier post. She was the one I would have to get a high paying job for. Soo... I was semi-courting her and was trying to get her to go to warped tour with me and my brofriend, Comitz. She had to work, I convinced my brother to cover her shift for her. Which would mean that he couldn't go to Warped Tour. Even though he wasn't working because he had requested off to go to warped tour. I begged pleaded and pulled incredible stunts at work to get it approved, because Mikey was on the shitlist as the time. So... after some political maneuvering on both our parts (as I found out later) both 11/10 and I ended up with the day off. (I was also scheduled to work. Like I said, much maneuvering.) At the time, 11/10 had JUST broken up with her boyfriend of like two years, some kid from Longwood I think. Whatever school it was, I sure he was a loser. He was also a drug dealer, which was an issue in the relationship from what I understand. Apparently one of the benefits to dating a drug dealer is that you always have good weed. On the way down to Va Beach, we start talking about the incredible stunt we pulled and she mentions she had to bribe my brother with a bag of weed (some really good stuff, apparently) that her now ex bf had given her. I said you should not do that, if you dont mind. She obliged me, he got the short end of the stick. So he was holding a pretty good-sized grudge, understandably.

Stripper and Lil Red (my bro) moved in with another stripper, the same stripper who attacked me in my kitchen one night. I still haven't got tested from that. Note to self. I think the worst thing that can happen from kissing a stripper is... degradation of pride and morality? I hope so. Anyways, they got evicted around christmas time. Next thing I know, Mikey is living on our old street in the 'Gona, down the street from my High School. I know that he needs to get back in school and won't do it himself. I also know I need to keep an eye on him. Thus begins my journey into parenting.

I basically skipped my first week of classes getting all his financial aid, textbooks, course schedule, and employment straightened out. This also required me to forgo paying the majority of my own tuition, place a large sum on my business card as an expense, and max out my personal credit cards. ODU tuition is billable, community college is "don't pay before midnight, we drop you from your classes." which did happen, i had to finagle to get him back into the same classes the next day. I put him to work with my boss in the warehouse. It was unsteady hours at first and there were some issues as to paychecks and hours, and all that. He basically was late on his rent ($75/week) every week for the first 3 weeks and I was supporting him on all other counts. His computer died, so i snagged a laptop off eBay that he could run Adobe Master Suite on so I could put him to work doing design and web stuff for me. Basically it was all a huge investment because once his financial aid starts coming in I will be square again. This is btw the second time I have done this. Over the summer he dropped his classes and the fin aid never came, and I was out $1200. But hey, I figured I'd either give my brother a second shot at college, and risk upwards of $4,000 (and growing) or watch him continue a downward spiral.

He is currently failing two courses, possibly three. All he has to pass is 67% of his credits and at least 12 / semester. I'm crossing my fingers. I don't have the capital to give him the third shot, even if I wanted to. I will be talking to his teachers this week about salvaging his grades for the semester. My first parent-teacher conference, if you will. Wish me luck. So yea, thats where I'm at. I haven't been the least bit active in the OT chapter here, as I am now working from the warehouse to work with him (I had to concede that to get him set minimum hours/week.) He decided to move out of his friends house and we found him an apartment near ODU campus for $400/month. I had to pay his first months rent, and hes struggling this month to get the 2nd month and the security desposit, but I think he will be successful. After that, his bills are only $400 (I pay his cell as its on the business account) a month and his income will be around $700 so he should have money to spend. Which means I won't be feeding two people anymore.

My classes aren't going to great, although I have an A in programming. I had to drop my accounting course and probably should drop my management course. It is what it is. If he pulls through this semester, next semester he won't have to work, and I won't have half the stress because all the paperwork is already filled out. If I start getting Empty Nest complexes, you will be the first to hear about it :)

I don't think I am having children. If I do, I am sending them off to boarding school at 14. A military boarding school. Its 5:34 am and I still have to do my Finance hw (its already late) and I have a program due at 7 PM. HW is due at 7 AM. Oh and someone found my blog! One of the brothers from Leadership Academy facebooked me about it! What are the odds that of all the blogs they would randomly stumble across it? Small. Very very small. I'll let you know after I take Stat 342 next semester.

Catching Up

So I promised I would update you guys, so I guess I should do that. I'll start from the beginning.

New House:

I moved in to the new place. Two things kind of bugged me when I got here.
1. I was told I was getting the room in the attic originally which is really why I agreed to live there because it is huge and unique and its got a tiny stairwell leading up to it. I envisioned a VIP when we have a party for all the hot ODU girls to congregate in. Yes call me what you will. Let a boy dream. And I was told the rent would be cheaper because I had the attic room. And you cant get any preassembled furniture up there because of mentioned stairwell.

I get there and one of the guys had decided he wanted the attic room, so now Im in his tiny room, and Im paying $400/month + utilities. so $500/month. I get my own apartment for a little more, but whatever. So that was kinda sheisty but I am the new guy I kind of understand. I also don't have alot of stuff so that room works just fine. But I had plans. Expansion plans...

I got a sweet new desk that basically awesome. It's L shaped and wood glass and polished steel, and it looks really good with my 3 monitor setup lol. Its also plenty of s pace for work and school.

So, house is newly renovated, nothing like the dump i moved out of. Huge upgrade. We threw a party the first weekend before classes and I showed these kids how its done. This school is certainly not ready for me. They need a lot of work. The kitchen has a breakfast bar setup thingy too which works really well for bartending at parties and provides a LOT more room than the old bar in the basement. Im all moved in and I get along with all my roommates, although they act like little girls amongst themselves...

I mentioned one day that its strange that of four people, no one had any plates or silverware or pots and pans. Jeremy (the coolest of the group) informs me that we used to have all of the aforementioned. The way he said it was like he was reminiscing of better times.

Apparently, there was a great and terrible war. No one was washing them, or something it all sounded like a bunch of bitching. The house has a brand new dishwasher, its not rocket science. So all silverware and whatnot disappeared. Among other things, there was just a lot of bitching. It's getting better now, I put my foot down.

I was just getting settled in to my new place, classes were starting, and my little brother informs me hes been evicted from his place in Richmond and hes moving down to Va Beach. And now I have a son. I'll update more later.