NYC... the Big Apple

Well this tale of epicness was supposed to go untold in print, because of several reasons. But I had a life-changing weekend and I think I need to at least make record of it for myself.

Halloween is not generally an exciting time for me. I like to see sluts walk around just as much as the next guy, but this year it was gonna be great. I wasn't working *what?* and I had a ton of plans. JMU was first on my list. A good friend had invited me to her party and seeing her costume pictures the next day.... aye.... I definitely missed out. What a gorgeous creature she is... haha pinup indeed. But alas, the less i pursue Pinup the better I fear. It's funny the sacrifices we make to maintain relationships. I've always disagreed with sacrificing one to strengthen another, but I find myself doing it more and more lately. Alas, I digress!

So I also had plans to celebrate another good friends birthday in Va Bch Saturday, and a ton of work to catch up on, and two tests on Tuesday, and a test on Monday. Aye, it was summing up to be a busy busy weekend. Then my phone rings. We'll call her Blondie. Blondie is an old friend from high school that i jokingly call my daughter. Actually she was referenced in my first post, ironically enough. She would be girl numero uno, the highest scoring of the trio, but also the least probable. That hasn't changed at all in light of recent events, which is again strange.

No Blondie is no good... its like insulting her. ahhhhhhh.. Canada. Perfect.

So Canada calls me on Wednesday telling me that there is a long story and she doesn't want to tell it but that I MUST cancel all my plans this weekend and escort her to NYC. What on earth could she possibly dangle in front of my face to make me even consider that kind of irrational thinking, not to mention I've been out of work for 3 weeks and am almost bankrupt?

The Colbert Report tickets.

Yep... that's all I needed. I was in as much disbelief when I said yes as she was. The story as too why I am joining her instead of her originally planned partner in crime is hers to tell, but what happened next is ours.

So away I go, calling people to cancel. I had friends from Richmond staying with friends from JMU, and they had never met, and I had to cancel on all of them. And I still haven't officially canceled on VB friend, and I'm not sure if she will ever forget me. I think I'm sending her flowers next week when I get paid, I do truly feel pretty horrible about that. But everything was canceled, I packed enough clean underwear for 4 nights, and threw all my schoolstuff in the car (so i could, you know, study...) and headed to the beach. I pulled an all nighter (Thursday btw) updating a website I had drastically neglected for previously mentioned client (btw, I am once again in said office at this point) and in the morning, fixed something which I had not broken and then I went to pick up Canada who told me she is waiting at said office.

I am under the impression she has been dropped off (her Yaris is in the shop) and so am in somewhat of a hurry to pick her up as leaving a beautiful blond in an industrial park is asking for trouble. I fly around the corner where she is parked waiting with father (whom I respect to the utmost and would like nothing else than to have trust me) with radio blaring enough to make the seamstress next door complain and everyone take notice. I park.... I am confused. I call... she answers.

"Where are you....?" "You just passed us."
Uss? Dammitttttt.

I hadn't seen her father since my senior year of high school, so that was nice except for the complete embarrassment part... which I might get over before I die.

She throws her monster of a suitcase (though less than I was expecting, point Canada) in the trunk, and tries to hide the handles of alcohol I had thrown in the trunk in the event we are unable to secure Canada an ID in NYC.

I considered hiring a babysitter in such an event, but discounted the idea just as quickly.... it would be in bad taste i decided. So I grabbed a coupla bottles from the bar... you never know when or where a party will evolve. I like to be prepared.... I don't have to explain myself to a blog, dammit!

We vamos... off to Philadelphia to meet up with a coupla she used to nanny for. I have been dating a girl off and on for several months and it was just this past Monday we had our first kiss. It was the first time I felt she was worthy of me kissing her... which is sad. It hasn't happened since. I don't think it will happen again, either. The reason I mention this is that on a 7 hour car ride, we talked non-stop, and I don't recall a single awkward moment or lull in conversation. Perhaps I was just talking her ear off, and she's just a good listener. But I'm going to pretend that's not the case. But.... the reason I kissed that girl that night is because we actually had a conversation, which I have discovered is not as easy as I thought with females today. Such conversation has yet to be replicated, nor has the desire to kiss her occurred again. So when we arrived and I hadn't once thought to myself, "When can I get out of this car and drop this girl off?" I was surprised a little bit. It turns out Canada and I have become very similar since high school in many ways. She has become quite the respectable girl, and I think its safe to say that I am very proud to say I know her. The family was very cute, and their little girl was fricking adorable. She gobbled up two slices of pizza from Canada's plate, like a small sea monster. It was really awkward though because I think they might have thought that we dated. That and I am sleeping in someones house who I don't know, and I'm not drunk... unusual circumstances for me. In the morning the wifey took us out to breakfast and showed us around outer-Philly.

Very scenic route, and it was great seeing all the quaint towns. Check my spelling on quaint. Canada and I decided to stop through Princeton on our way to my sisters. (That and she wasn't yet awake to give us directions.) Wow... makes me want to go back in time and work harder. And also to work harder tomorrow. Which I have been doing, I think. Like I said, this trip had an effect on me... or is it affect. Mrs Rust, you have failed me for the last time. *Force Choke*

*Pause: Google Affect/Effect* I was affected by this trip in a positive way. Its effects on me are hopefully everlasting. I just learned something, did you?

We get to New Jersey, meet with sis, and get ride to train station. We miss train by 3 seconds. Actually, we caught the train, but we were on the wrong side, and couldn't figure out how to get to the right side. We both looked at the tracks and wanted to say fuck it but sober minds prevailed (and the sign in front of us that said "Don't think about it. NO. Canada, 68, Do NOT CROSS TRACKS.") so we watched it drive away and had another hour to burn. Because of this, we didn't get into the city until 5.

Side note, Ive just decided to use this retelling to figure out how much Canada and I pumped into the economy on this spur of the moment trip.

Gas: $30
Princeton Ice Cream (Fucking delicious): $7
Lindts Chocolate which I'm still finding in my car: $7
Train tickets: $23
McDonald's on way up: $10
Becoming a dollarmenuionaire.... priceless... mwuahah. Newz...

We get there, and decide to get at Canada's insistence all day subway passes (propz btw, smartest choice of your day)

Subway Passes: $14

We go to the Magnolia bakery which is inspired by a Lonely Island skit.... delicious by the way.

2 cupcakes: $5
Eating the 2nd smashed to pieces on Monday morning... still tasty.

Then off to a dinner. We randomly chose a spot on 6th avenue simply because we could. We walked in, there was a wait, Canada said fuck this I'm out. I nicely asked the hostess how long a table for two would take, and she said she had an immediate table available. I find Canada on the streets, and bring her back in. Turns out we just chose one of NYC's nicest (and priciest) vegetarian restaurants. Food was amazing, service was impeccable, and Canada did not get carded. Here we will also begin to tally alcohol intake. You will see why later.

Me: 1 12 oz Sam Smith's Taddy Porter ($7 btw, jeez)
Canada: 1 glass pinot grigio
Dinner w/ tip: $52?

SO that was by far the best meal I had had in some time and there wasn't a piece of meat on it... I am very impressed and bravo to Gobo of NYC.

Next we move onward to a Belgium beer bar I had spied walking to the subway. There we had a couple of beers and I introduced Canada into the world of Belgium Lambics. We had a nice conversation with the bartender (o yea... now that i recall, actually conversation is normal between two people. Note to self, stop dating stupid girl) and someone was like HEY, Did You Card Them? I played it off like I was somewhat offended since we already had drinks in hand and once again, Canada is not my roommate. More on that later. I started rambling on about the beers we were drinking, and realized that I was probably sounding like a tool trying to impress a date, and so stopped.

Me: Leffe Blonde, Maredsous 8
Canada: Lindeman's Framboise, Hoegarrden

We realized the time and and headed out to our burlesque show that was waiting for us.

Cost of the Maredsous and Lind. $20
Leffe and Hoegarrden: $15

Somewhere in there we stopped at both White Castle and McDonald's.... looking back I don't see how this is possible that I ate so much.

White Castle: $3
McDonald's: $3

We head to the lower East side for the show... ohh wait also we went to the Brooklyn bridge took pictures of Canada haha... and like one of me. Funny how you forget the actual important things. So yea, I went to Brooklyn, all over Manhattan, and pretty much painted the town. And then it got interesting.

We get to the Burlesque show, and once again, no ID required. I start a tab at the bar and we struggle to see anything. I'd like to note that rail drinks are $7 in NYC. WTF, mate? The current act ends and I grab a seat up front, and attach it to these two guys table, and somewhat rudely join them and beckon Canada to follow. We now have front row seats to the action. I bought dudeman a beer, and he seemed instantly OK with our new relationship. We keep crushing drinks and enjoying the show and having a good ole time. One of the acts was very artsy and I ended up covered in blood and flowers by the end. The comic had a good time with us as well, which has always been a fantasy of Canada's. He said she looked uncomfortably innocent to be in a burlesque bar. Hahahaha if he only knew of the proceeding events. Maybe I'll upload some pictures. It would really bring the story full circle. In fact, I shall. So I show Canada how to order drinks on my tab, and everything is merry. Then I realize she hasn't been back for a while. I am kind of flirting with some of the girls from the bachelorette party behind me, so I assume shes a big girl and is fine and continue enjoying myself. After about another 15 minutes and seeing that the show is wrapping up the current act, I start getting nervous. I frantically search the entire bar, and the restroom, and she is nowhere to be found. My only thought was that I had just lost Canada in NYC and now she was going to be savagely mauled and I would be responsible for her death, and then her father would savagely maul me. Much worse than anyone in NYC could savagely maul her. I promise. After paying out the tab, I continue to nervously look around and I see her walk in the door. I had looked outside already so I know she wasn't just outside hanging out. I assumed she had met some boy, but for crying out loud, stay in the bar and flirt with him. Anyways after denying she had been anywhere I decided it was time to leave this place because I had no idea who thought they were taking her home at this point. We go to the next bar and Canada is fighting/escaping the entire time. "The BOYS!!!!!!!!!!" NOO..... the boys! Yes... I brought a 19-year-old to the Lower East Side of Manhattan, and yes I am probably going to hell in a hand basket. Still wouldn't change a minute of it. Once at the next bar (O she finally got carded now that she cant remember her own name, let alone someone Else's)
Wait....
Burlesque bar: $90

Me: 4 drinks
Canada: 7? drinks

So... she walks off and tells a group of people how annoying I am. And they are like O really... why... and I was like OK Canada.... go find some new friends before i get a rape charge. So i explain to them that I made the mistake of taking a 19 yr old girl to a seedy bar. They laughed understandably and Canada made some new friends down at the other side of the bar. I made sure I could always see her blond locks though lol. They are hard to miss. She comes back all of a sudden and tells me its time to go, now. And that we need to call my sister. I'm somewhat perplexed, as our plan was to drink until the next train leaves for Jersey at 6 AM. Once we find the next subway station, and after rapping with some kid on the street about the trains to board "F to AC YO. Red F to the Green AC. That's where you'll B!" Or something like that.... I was pretty tickled. Canada is at this point useless and I am dragging her along as she mumbles the rap we just learned. O.... shes also started this whining voice of "Nooo.... nooo...... I hate you!" "I frickin' hate you!" Did I mention shes like a daughter? Cuz I sure felt like a parent. I started getting upset... but then she fell down the steps and I barely caught her, and she's still like, "I Haaatee youu...." and I suddenly knew how my parents must have felt. And at that point it all became comical in my eyes. Which is good... cuz I've seen people leave girls to die that were in better condition than Canada at the moment. That is in Richmond of course, not a NYC subway, but i digress.

Canada has started vomiting all over everything at this point, and various characters inhabiting the underground subway begin to help us out on our journey. After refusing to get up and causing us to miss our switchover, we end up not at Penn Station, but at 60th st. A kind worker allowed us access to the bathroom so Canada could piss and vomit in private for a minute... god was that awkward. "Canada.... hurry up, this guy is waiting for us..." "...." "Canadaaaaaaa, please please don't die in there! Your father WILL kill me!" All the while dude is looking at me confused as to whether I'm her nice older brother or her boyfriend who's afraid of her father. She survives and we continue on. At this point she is no longer walking. She decides to say fuck this journey of ours and lies down (and nearly cracks her skull open) on the subway, kicking her shoes off in the process. I carry her up a flight of stairs like this hoping to catch the next train back to Penn station and whaddayaknow? There are two NYPD Blue standing around with nothing to do. After eyeing us pretty hard, I make Canada put (think mother putting shoes on a 2 month old child) her shoes back on and tell the officers that she is fine, shes just had a little too much boozing and I just need to get her home. I think we looked like NYU students at this point... She slumps over as soon as they leave out of sight, and I try to hit on the girl beside her. Unfortunately... a dead girl is not exactly like having a cute puppy apparently. Soo.... at this point I am having to throw her onto the next train because otherwise the doors shut before i can get her on. This one particular train, I threw her a little too late... and the doors shut anyways. She continues on like the Juggernaut with momentum headfirst into the subway door. Someone opens it out of pity and we get on.... I guess I owe you one for that. Upon finally arriving to Penn Station, we call my sister for her to tell us that... sry, I'm drunk, good luck lol. I mean it was 3:30 and we said we would call her a long time ago if we needed a ride. I ended up finding a hotel down the road for.... $230 dear god kill me now. At this point, my credit card is almost maxed out so i had to put it on the company card... don't tell anyone I'll pay it back I promise.

Cabride there, I made Canada vomit in her purse because Cabbie said it was $35 to throw up in the car. Once at the hotel, Hodji thought I was about to rape this drunk girl I was checking in, I'm sure of it. We pass out (Canada still covered in her vomit, I tried to change that I promise).
The next day.... she lay dead in my sisters bed and we went to watch the Jets game at a bar. I was cut off for the first time in my life, and still didn't blackout... that's what 9 hours of Jagerbombs (OMG Jersey really is like YouTube portrays it to be) and $1.50 miller drafts will do to a young boy. I also hit on my older brothers ex girlfriend from when I was a senior in high school that I recognized from across the bar from that time that he had brought her home for Christmas. Shes still cute... and like 27. He didn't take too kindly to that. By that time Canada had joined us and kept fucking with my drunk ass and getting me to repeat stories... I also climbed to a second story balcony trying to get into a locked condo... and almost broke my neck. Think Cliffhanger; barefoot, and drunk.

The weekend was so exhausting (I've left soo much out because my hands are tired of typing) and we both had tests that week, and we felt completely satiated with life, so we decided to forgo Colbert and head home.

This is long I know, but its more so I dint forget than for you to read.....

I also realized on this trip that the world is so much bigger than I know, and that I need to spend my time trying to see it rather than being content with the bubble we create for ourselves. I disabled my Facebook the next morning, and I don't regret it at all, which surprises me. I actually feel like I have a new outlook on life. Now I need to block collegehumor, theOnion, and American Media, and maybe I will actually accomplish something with it. I think I spent roughly 20 hours talking with Canada on the trip, and I am lucky to know someone like that. It is very hard to find someone with the intelligence and passion that keeps me guessing as to someones next thought. At the same time, I am very confused. I assumed that on a weekend trip with a girl, that there would be some sexual tension at the least, possibly some drunken sexual activity. While I find Canada extremely attractive and my sister thinks I should marry her, I was in no way at any point in the weekend thinking to myself, "Make a move... do it." Which sounds pigish, but come on, everyone has hormones. I have never actually had a platonic friend before. I have plenty of friends who are platonic, but there is always some sexual tension on one or both sides. So this is a new feeling for me, and I am still struggling with it. I didn't sense at all that she was interested in me, and while I think I would probably entertain it if there were I am glad there is not. I was so impressed by her that I don't want to even think about her sexually because we are still so young. Shes the kind of girl I want to marry in 5 or 10 years. Probably closer to 10 for her sake haha. But then I'm an old man. Maybe 7. Anyways... right now, if I were to date someone like that I would know that unless I did something stupid it would probably be the One. And I'm not ready for that, so I would probably just do something stupid on purpose. And that's just foolish. I haven't yet met someone so... compatible with me as this girl. This summer I met someone close... closer than anyone I have ever met for the short time I knew her, but nowhere near as close as Canada. It's really unsettling thinking about some of the conversations we had, and how our minds were like on the same wavelength. I know of two girls I have dated that know me inside and out, and could predict what I was going to say or do pretty consistently, but never have a met someone that actually agreed with that thought or action hahahahah..

It has put a new perspective on how I percieve my relationship with people. There are people that I never want to burn a bridge with, people that I want to bomb the bridge with so it can be rebuilt properly, and people I want to Dam the river for so there is no longer a need for a bridge. Dont get me wrong, right now, I'm not damming anything for anybody, but I can think of two people right now who I would dam the Nile for. And many more who I would bomb. Or send over some engineers for damage control.

Comitz, you bastard, you are one of them. We will survive this life. And we will find love.

True Love. *Mawrrrriage* .... lolz Princess Bride

Mmk enough pouring my heart on pixels. Chemistry. Photoshop. Etc.

Fuck it. I'm writing another post after this... this is really good therapy. And it allows me to snag snippets from the pool of souls from Hercules that is my mind (you know that scene) and make concrete thoughts. And then I can look back and remember what I decided hahah.